The Mack Attack

Thought-provoking clap-trap for the skeptic-minded

Tuesday, January 31, 2006



ADVANCE COPY: 2006 STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS BY PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH

For Immediate Release

Thank you, Mr. Speaker, Senators, Representatives.God bless America! [pause for applause]2005 has been a good year, a year in which – despite the ever-present threat of terrorism -- America has grown and thrivened. [applause] We have also weathered many trials: War. Hurricanes Katrina and Rita. Cindy Sheehan. But we have survived. True, we may have lost some facilities in New Orleans, but we now have vast new tracts of irrigated land. True, many of our better-paying jobs have been outsourced overseas – but over time this trend will lead to decreased illegal immigration into the United States as potential immigrants head for India instead. So, despite the ever-present threat of terrorism, we are now in a position of great strength. Note that I do not claim full credit for this situation. [smile; chuckle here] I think a lot of it has to do with the willingness of Congress to go along with whatever I ask them for, without too much fuss, as long as I sign every spending bill they pass. God bless America! [applause]Of course, there are those who question our policies. This is their right as Americans. Such unpatriotic terrorist-lovers ask, “Why did we invade the most solidly anti-Islamicist nation in the Middle East, only to turn it into the world’s biggest terrorist training ground, soon to annexed by Iran?” They ask, “How could doing this, which only increases support for Islamicists worldwide and prevents us from pursuing actual terrorists and WMD proliferation elsewhere, be considered somehow good for our security? Are you on crack or something?”To these people, I have just one word: Nine. One. One. [applause]Yes, it is all too easy for them to point out that it makes more sense to pursue actual terrorists than to invade nations at random. But the 2001 attacks against the United States proved that, in this post-modern global world, terrorists have no nation and can attack from anywhere. Therefore, it does not matter exactly which nation we invade, or whether we have any intelligence [do NOT chuckle here!] that could justify it. We strike out blindly in the hope that it so confuses the terrorists – or convulses them in gleeful laughter – that they make some kind of mistake. God bless America! [applause]Some have also questioned our policy of ignoring the FISA laws that Congress set up to ensure the protection of our Constitutional freedoms. Such people ask, “Why would spying without a warrant keep us safer than spying with a warrant?” To these people, I answer: We are at war. With terrorists. And terrorists are bad. Very bad. [applause] So I will exercise every power I can to stop any terrorism that might some day be blamed on me. Because that would be tragic. When these same annoying people question whether so much can be justifed by an undelcared “war” unlimited in its definition, scope and duration, they misunderestimate me. I say that we are at war – and that I am entitled to extraordinary powers -- as long as there exists anywhere on earth even one person who harbors an evil thought about the US. In closing, I want to leave you with this thought. Don’t forget that you provide aid and comfort to our terrrorist enemies every time you question whether the War on Terror has anything to do with the following subjects:--invading Iraq. --the unlimited power of the President to make up his own laws. --reforming Social Security. --nominating conservative judges to the Supreme Court. --spending like there was no tomorrow. Because all of my policies, fellow Americans, are essential to the War on Terror. And if you do not support them, then terrorists will come to your homes and kill you and your families. God bless America! [applause]

Thank you, and good night! [shake hands]

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